so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
