hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Still dying that you shit outside
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
