we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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