He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
