I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
