i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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