i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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