i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
