I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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