I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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