I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
