I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
