Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
