For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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