do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
