I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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