She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
