Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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