I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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