Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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