you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
pray to the hookup gods
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
