Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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