How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
