Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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