Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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