What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
