If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
