hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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