I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
