I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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