apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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