Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
