The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
