thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
