hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
