I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
