so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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