I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
