he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
