Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
