I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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