This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
