I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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