called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
