I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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