Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
