Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
