i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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