You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
