What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
