News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
