Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
