i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
